November 2009
54 posts
mliaverage:
Today during Religious Education at school I told my teacher I didn’t believe in God because I prayed for almost a whole year that I would get a bike last Christmas, and did not get a bike. He replied “Silly boy, you’re doing it wrong. You don’t ask for a bike, you steal one then ask for forgiveness.” Hello new favourite teacher. MLIA
mliaverage:
Today, some workmen finished building a fence around my school as a safety precaution. As soon as the workers left, a fellow highschooler put up a sign that read, “Please do not feed the highschoolers.” I chose the right highschool. MLIA.
mliaverage:
Yesterday, someone asked me if I would help tutor them in math. I said I would, at a charge of $20 dollars an hour. They told me that they couldn’t afford that. I then proceeded to give them the great discount of $10 for half an hour. They took the deal, our first session is next Tuesday. MLIA
HAHAHA i just realised the irony.
mliaverage:
Today, my guy friend read out loud what a girl’s shorts said on the back. She turned around and said, “why are you looking at my butt?!” He said, “Why would you have something written there if you don’t expect people to read it?” Frustrated, she yelled, “Well maybe they expected everyone to be blind!” His response? “Well why didn’t they write it in braille?” MLIA
mliaverage:
Today, on the bus, I saw a little girl go up to an old man wearing an eyepatch. She asked him if he was a pirate. He silently opened up his bag and showed her a stuffed parrot, and put his finger to his lips. She nodded, and walked away. MLIA.
mliaverage:
A little while ago my little sister’s class went to the Monet exhibition at the museum. at the end of the tour the guide asked “how can you tell if a painting is by Monet?” the other girls in the class proceeded to say things like the loose brushwork. my sister said “it has his name on the the bottom.” she’s five. Pure Genius! MLIA.
mliaverage:
Today, while working at the local supermarket, a man yelled at me for getting in his way. As he started to walk away, an old lady put her leg out and tripped him over. She turned around and winked at me. Coolest old lady ever? I think so. MLIA
mliaverage:
Today I woke up to my roommate asking me if I’d had fun fighting the gay badgers. Only now do I discover I am an avid sleep talker. MLIA
mliaverage:
Today I saw a hot guy that was singing the Pokemon theme song at the top of his lungs during our PE class. I sang along with him, and afterwards, he came up to me and said “I chose you, Pikachu,” and handed me a pokeball. I opened it, and read the message inside. Guess who’s got a date for prom?
mliaverage:
Today, I was eating my dinosaur themed fruit snacks. There were only a few left, and poured them out into my hand. I find half of a red dinosaur, and a T-Rex with red on its teeth. Best bag of fruit snacks ever. MLIA
mliaverage:
Today, my friend and I were jumping into the piles of leaves the janitors had just made at my school. All of a sudden we saw a janitor approaching us, thinking he was angry. He then asked us if we’d like him to make the pile bigger because they’re more fun to jump in, we of course, said yes. MLIA
mliaverage:
Today, my teacher asked us all to raise our right hands and repeat after her. She started to say “I solemnly swear.” then waited for us to repeat it. We all repeated it, then every single kid in the class added “that I am up to no good.” I still have no idea what she wanted us to swear in the first place. MLIA
mliaverage:
Today, my boyfriend embarrassedly admitted that one of the reasons he asked me out is that I look like Ginny Weasley. I started to laugh hysterically. He looked offended until I calmed myself enough to explain that one of the reasons I accepted him is that he looks like Harry Potter. MLIA.
mliaverage:
Today, for fun I gave an extra credit question on a test that asked what letter came after Q. About 30 people started whispering the alphabet song. I teach college.
mliaverage:
Today, I was at the dentist and they have coloring books for little kids while they are waiting, and I was bored so I got one. My mom got mad and made me put it back. During the next few minutes a guy walked in, he looked about 20, and he immediatley grabbed a coloring book and started coloring. MLIA
mliaverage:
Today I woke up this morning and couldn’t find my cat. I eventually gave up looking for her and went to get some milk to drink and there she was, in my fridge. I still have no idea how this happened. MLIA
your cat is a ninja.
mliaverage:
Today, I had to leave school early. My reason wouldn’t fit on the signout sheet, so I erased it and put a batman symbol. The secretary signed it as an excusable absence. MLIA
mliaverage:
Today, the guy who sits in front of me fell asleep in class. I drew on the back of his neck and he never woke up. He walked around school for over 4 hours with “follow me to narnia” written across the back of his neck and never even questioned why people kept following him to class. MLIA
mliaverage:
Today, I stepped on a crunchy leaf in my driveway. It was the first crunchy leaf I have encountered in the last month and a half due to lots of rain. I later received a text from my boyfriend asking me if I liked the leaf. It turns out he found it earlier today and put it in my driveway. I now remember why I love him. MLIA
aww
mliaverage:
Today, I coughed during class. Immediately afterwards, a kid who sits across from me looks up at me with wide eyes and mouthed, ”Really?”. I think he was doing the “if you can read minds, cough now” trick. I responded, ”Yes”. MLIA
mliaverage:
The other day I was wondering why the chairs at school all had holes in the back that made them uncomfortable. The next day I came to school in my halloween costume, and discovered that the tail of my dinosaur costume fit perfectly in the opening. I understand now. MLIA.
:)
mliaverage:
Today I was walking my newly adopted dog for the first time. When I got her from the shelter, they warned me that she was “difficult to walk”. Apparently, by difficult to walk, they meant that she likes to pounce on every crunchy leaf she sees. I see no problem here, except that she beats me to them. MLIA
mliaverage:
Today, while working at a daycare, we pulled out a box labeled “Farm Animals”. The first two animals I pulled out were a dinosaur and a lion. MLIA
mliaverage:
The other day I got bored during science and decided to draw some flowers on my desk. The next day when I came into class, my drawings were erased. Instead, I found a picture of a dinosaur with flowers sticking out of its mouth. Next to it was a note apologizing for the rude dinosaur, assuring me it would never happen again. I think I’m going to like this seat. MLIA
mliaverage:
Today I saw the postman chasing after a dog. My life is now complete. MLIA
mliaverage:
One day I received a call from an 800 number. Expecting it to be a telemarketer I answered with a sigh and a hello. The response was “Hi there, I’m an annoying telemarketer that’s not going to try to sell you something I already know you don’t want… how’s the weather?” A minute later I heard his boss behind him ask what he was doing followed by a click. Best telemarketer experience...
mliaverage:
Today in Science the teacher was reading out loud from the text book and having trouble pronouncing a long word. She said that it’s a mouthful, then a kid in the back proceeded to say “that’s what she said.” Everyone turned around to smile at him. Turns out it was our principle. He just became a lot cooler. MLIA
mliaverage:
Today, I got back a test I had taken in history. I hadn’t known the answer to one of the questions so, remembering an MLIA I read, I drew a ninja that protected the problem from the evil red pen. My teacher left me a note saying that he had spent 15 minutes looking for a non-red pen to defeat my ninja with. MLIA
mliaverage:
Yesterday, after taking a quiz, I was doodling on it. Thinking of a previous MLIA, I drew Waldo hiding on the pages and asked my teacher to find him on all four pages. Today, my class spent half the period trying to find the last Waldo. I only drew three. Extra credit was awarded. MLIA
mliaverage:
Today, I was at the store. I was in line to pay for my groceries when the cashier got to the lady in front of me who had a three child stroller for her three children. The cashier exclaimed “oh my god, all three of them are twins. How cute!” Only the mother understood why I was laughing. MLIA.
mliaverage:
Today I walked past a rowdy bunch of big guys with a heap of tattoos, piercings, all that macho stuff. Since I’m a ridiculously short teenage girl, I felt kind of intimidated and so tried to shuffle past without drawing their attention. As I passed them I heard one of them exclaim “Dude, Barbie is heaps cooler than Bratz! What is your PROBLEM?” MLIA
mliaverage:
Today I got my report card and I realised that I had received the following grades: A for Accounting, B for Biology, C for Chemistry. My parents fail to see how this is an achievement. MLIA
mliaverage:
Today, I walked down the hall only to find my parents huddled over the computer and giggling hysterically. I asked them what was up, and my mom told me, “we’re writing complaint letters to places we’ve never bought anything from, just to see if they’ll give us some free stuff.” I love my parents. MLIA
mliaverage:
A few weeks ago while walking to my class, I noticed something different about the building next to it. It is called “Ketchum Hall” but some added the word “Gotta” in front of the “Ketchum Hall” sign, making it appear to be “Gotta Ketchum Hall.” They even threw in a pikachu sticker. It now makes me laugh every morning. MLIA.
mliaverage:
Today, I was working at my personalization kiosk at the mall, when a very elderly man (about 80) came up to me and wanted a belt buckle personalized. I asked him what he wanted written on it. He said “Caution: the objects below are larger than they appear.” It made my day. MLIA
mliaverage:
Yesterday I drove through Manly Iowa. I saw that the police station was called the Manly Police Station. I looked inside and the only cop there was a woman.MLIA.
mliaverage:
Today, I was looking through my Grandmother’s iPod. I found out that her top 3 songs are, My Humps, Because I Got High, and The Transformers theme song. I don’t know what to say. MLIA
mliaverage:
Yesterday, I was bored and hungry in class. I wrote on my desk “I’m hungry”. Today, I found a bag of potato chips taped underneath the desk and a note saying “here you go” in very girly handwriting. I need to find this girl and marry her. MLIA
mliaverage:
Today, my five year old nephew came up to me and asked me what an orgasm was. Before I could answer he asked if it was when someone’s organs exploded. I told him yes. He then proceeded to tell his mom he never wanted to have an orgasm. The look on her face was priceless. MLIA
mliaverage:
Today, we had Battle of the Sexes in Psychology class. We had to make up questions to ask the girls. One of the guys decided to be funny and ask “what do you call the snake in my pants?” Our teacher said “Tiny?” New favorite teacher. MLIA.
mliaverage:
Over the weekend, the light above my sink in my dorm stopped working. I was trying to think of speech topic for my next speech and right when I came up with an idea, the light switched on. It made my day. MLIA
mliaverage:
The other day in class, we were watching a rated R movie but my male professor said that he had edited it to PG-13. While watching the movie a somewhat sexual scene was playing and my teacher got up from his desk with something behind his back. When the topless woman flashed on the screen, my teacher quickly covered her up with a homemade bra cut out of cardboard. I then wondered how...
mliaverage:
Today, I saw someone posting about weird laws in their state. I thought to myself, surely there would not be such laws in Iowa. Apparently, horses are forbidden to eat fire hydrants, men with mustaches may not kiss a woman in public, and one-armed piano players must perform for free. Go Iowa? MLIA.
mliaverage:
Today, my math teacher, who is from India and still struggles with English, was teaching us about probability. He used the example of flipping a coin. He turned to a student and asked him with his accent, “How often you get head?” He didn’t get why we were all laughing at him after. MLIA
hahahahaha but i’d feel bad for laughing at his English!
mliaverage:
Yesterday, I took my baby cousin trick or treating. She was dressed as a pumpkin and was absolutely adorable, so many kids wanted to hold her. She was held my a zombie, a dead person, a texas chainsaw murderer, and a scary clown. She didn’t cry until she got held by a twelve year-old dressed as Miley Cyrus. She was right to be afraid. MLIA
mliaverage:
Today, I was assigned to pass out candy to trick-or-treaters at my house. A lot of the neighborhood kids were just wearing cat ears or had facepaint, or weren’t wearing a costume at all. I was getting a bit disappointed with their lack of creativity, until I saw a little boy dressed as Luke Skywalker. As I watched him walk off my porch and admired his adorable, nerdy costume, I saw...
mliaverage:
Today, while at a bus stop, some people were complaining that the bus was late. To lighten the mood I said, “There’s worse things that could be late.” A guy in a ninja costume asked, “Period?” Thank you, ninja, for understanding my joke. Made my night. MLIA
mliaverage:
Today, I dressed up as Joseph wearing a technicolor dream coat. I was walking around the dorm, quoting from the gospel, when a guy dressed up as Kayne West came up to me and said, “I’mma let you finish, but Jesus had one of the best gospels of all time!” I couldn’t stop laughing. MLIA
mliaverage:
Today at school, 3 boys dressed up as life-sized traffic cones. In the morning, they sat across the entrance to the parking lot, blocking off all of the cars. I couldn’t stop laughing. MLIA
mliaverage:
Tonight, instead of trick-or-treating, my girlfriend and I went out dinner dressed as Superman and Wonder Woman. We felt like idiots, until our food was brought to us by a guy in a Flash costume. MLIA.