Today during Religious Education at school I told my teacher I didn’t believe in God because I prayed for almost a whole year that I would get a bike last Christmas, and did not get a bike. He replied “Silly boy, you’re doing it wrong. You don’t ask for a bike, you steal one then ask for forgiveness.” Hello new favourite teacher. MLIA
Yesterday, someone asked me if I would help tutor them in math. I said I would, at a charge of $20 dollars an hour. They told me that they couldn’t afford that. I then proceeded to give them the great discount of $10 for half an hour. They took the deal, our first session is next Tuesday. MLIA
HAHAHA i just realised the irony.
Today, on the bus, I saw a little girl go up to an old man wearing an eyepatch. She asked him if he was a pirate. He silently opened up his bag and showed her a stuffed parrot, and put his finger to his lips. She nodded, and walked away. MLIA.
Today, while working at the local supermarket, a man yelled at me for getting in his way. As he started to walk away, an old lady put her leg out and tripped him over. She turned around and winked at me. Coolest old lady ever? I think so. MLIA
Today I saw a hot guy that was singing the Pokemon theme song at the top of his lungs during our PE class. I sang along with him, and afterwards, he came up to me and said “I chose you, Pikachu,” and handed me a pokeball. I opened it, and read the message inside. Guess who’s got a date for prom?
Today, some workmen finished building a fence around my school as a safety precaution. As soon as the workers left, a fellow highschooler put up a sign that read, “Please do not feed the highschoolers.” I chose the right highschool. MLIA.
Today, my guy friend read out loud what a girl’s shorts said on the back. She turned around and said, “why are you looking at my butt?!” He said, “Why would you have something written there if you don’t expect people to read it?” Frustrated, she yelled, “Well maybe they expected everyone to be blind!” His response? “Well why didn’t they write it in braille?” MLIA
A little while ago my little sister’s class went to the Monet exhibition at the museum. at the end of the tour the guide asked “how can you tell if a painting is by Monet?” the other girls in the class proceeded to say things like the loose brushwork. my sister said “it has his name on the the bottom.” she’s five. Pure Genius! MLIA.
Today I woke up to my roommate asking me if I’d had fun fighting the gay badgers. Only now do I discover I am an avid sleep talker. MLIA
Today, I was eating my dinosaur themed fruit snacks. There were only a few left, and poured them out into my hand. I find half of a red dinosaur, and a T-Rex with red on its teeth. Best bag of fruit snacks ever. MLIA
